Rebellion Years

I have this feeling that I have done rebelling. 

Rebellion does not fit me anymore. It doesn't suit me anymore though to me, my age is still acceptable for some degree of rebellion. Hiks!

I always have this liking of mixing with people older than me (which I always presume more mature but not necessarily mature actually). In some way, it makes me more mature compared to my actual age and given time, I feel the crowd my age are pretty much boring and immature and annoying and really focus on unimportant things. (Okay I know my grammar is pretty much kill-me-now grammar because I put too many 'and' - I did it on purpose. Hiks!)

Consequently, when I see these older people than me - means 24 y/o and above who has not done rebelling, some part of me says "what the eff?," (or in Malay apa celop - LOL) but some part of me feels sad. I feel sad because I feel that I've been there, rebelling I mean. I did stuffs that I'm not very proud of (which I was very proud of at that moment), pretty much all the silly stuffs you could get yourself into and reality hit me hard. And as much as I don't wanna regret things, I have to admit, sometimes I do, these things hurt me.

What hurts more, actually, is the thought that I cannot do anything. Because yeah, during these rebellion years, we usually listen to no one and even if we are listening, we are listening to the wrong people.

People who says "fuck the world or fuck everyone else, this is your life not theirs" kinda people are most likely we take advice on these rebellion years.

The only thing I could do is pray (since I'm a believer. For a non-believer, seriously, I don't know what they'll do). And hope for the best. I can't engage much into their life (who am I, really?). Oh my, I am deeply concerned. Because I care but I know I'm no hero.

**sigh