Kemaafan

Tempoh hari, aku dan seorang jejaka tampan yang bijaksana berbual panjang tentang hal ini.

Pencetusnya, aku ternampak seseorang yang pernah menyakiti aku dengan sekejam-kejam perbuatan, orang yang mencampak kepercayaan aku ke lantai dan pijak-pijak sehingga habis hancur lebur segala percaya - dan aku lari. Ya, aku menjauh.

Jejaka tampan itu bertanya padaku, "Kenapa lari? Takut kepada dia kah?"

Hati aku berbisik, "Sakit,"

Aku geleng. "Tak, bukan takut. That person reminds me of pain,"

"You shouldn't have ran,"

Aku tunduk. Aku tahu, tapi...
The pain was overwhelming.

"I thought I have let go. I want to forgive,"

"Never in million years," he said confidently.

I looked at him, half puzzled, half disbelief. I know that confident-cocky look. He knows he's right.

"Why?"

"Because you still want to mould that person into the image that YOU want - which is not going to happen in million years!,"

"No!" (Actually maybe, but I'm too egoistic to admit it)

"Why do you want to forgive that kind of person? That person did terrible things to you, betrayed you, used you, manipulated you and you still offer forgiveness?"

Minit-minit seterusnya aku dan dia berdebat lagi. Cuba mencari solusi. Aku sedikit bingung.

Aku asyik bertanya, "What should I do?"

Dan berbicara lagi.

"The image of that person reminds me of excruciating pain. I feel betrayed. I got flashbacks about what happened in the past. That's why I ran. It was my defense mechanism,"

"Transfer that feeling into something else so you won't feel pain anymore,"

"Such as?"

"Hate,"

"I don't want to hate. Hate consumes you. That's why I want to forgive,"

Pernah berbual dengan manusia bijak? Mereka buat lidah jadi kelu. Tak boleh nak betah lagi.

"It won't make any difference. You know, there are three stages of forgiveness. You don't just go to people and apologize. The person must ask for your apology. That's the first stage. Two, you apologize. Three, acceptance of the apology.
If the person does not acknowledge your apology, it won't make any difference. Far worse, it gives that person power to hurt you again. What happened when you forgave that person at the first time?"

"I gave the chance for myself to be hurt and that person took that chance,"

"What you should do is - forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for making that mistake - trusting a wrong person, that's it!,"

Maafkan diri sendiri? 

*termenung*

Semoga Tuhan kuatkan hati, jauhkan diri aku dari kebencian, dan terangkan hatiku untuk beri kemaafan, kepada diri sendiri.

"Sometimes we don't have to forgive people who inflict 

pain on us, we just have to forgive ourselves for it,"

Quoted from jejaka tampan yang bijaksana.

Notaantaraaksara: Thank you Mr.Adorable!

Of Reviews

Me - I don't like to do reviews. Book reviews, movie reviews, games, restaurants - I don't like writing one. But I do find some things or experienced some moments that make me want to write reviews.

I've written some restaurant review; not because I was a friend of the owner (God bless me if I am); but simply because I had great moments there with the service, foods and all.

No, I don't really go everywhere to find good foods, but when I do, I usually sticks to them.

And one thing about reviews - it can be positive and negative.

This is one thing about reviews that I don't like. Words affects; no matter how small the effects are.

I don't like negative reviews. (That's why I don't do them).

People are doing business. Let say - restaurant. People are making money by it. By how many customers come and go. Imagine what can happen to their restaurant, their business if someone writes a bad review about it? 

I know that the point of writing a review is to assist people to choose the 'better' choice; but isn't it wrong if you 'force' people to close their business?

I do positive reviews. I suggest good places (in my opinion) to people (if there are any reading - which I doubt - hahaha) . It may help the owner, it may help the customers. But it will not affect the business in a bad way.

I prefer that kind of reviews (not to be vain). It is hard to start a business, harder to maintain them. And you never know what kind of effects your writing would do.

Some would say, "I am helping others. I don't want other to experience bad service"

Yes, that is a noble intention.

But you never know if the owner has terminated the rude staff, or they have done great deals to make things right after it went wrong with the review writer.

To me, if I stumble into a bad restaurant, forced to eat a very non-delicious food, faced a rude staff, I will just ban that restaurant (of course), never to come again, but never write a bad review about it. I can list a few of restaurants I feel unworthy of going, but, even though it may satisfy my anger (for a while); it does not feel right to me.

I don't know.

I just feel that people deserve second chances. If I am not going to give them second chances, I won't hold anyone else who wanted to do so.

This is what I see. From my point of view. 

We can agree to disagree.

Changes

Fear of the unknown is common. You are just being human.

That's why when people accuse others for changing, I could only smile.

Yeah, right. You don't change at all, huh?

Not a bit?

____________________________________________________________

I have changed a lot. I feel like I understand a lot. Nevertheless, there are some pain inside that cannot be explained, it is just plain pain. Flashbacks, reminder of the stupidity.

I have changed. Bitter persona.

Or so you think.

Or so I think.

There are some glances of happiness.

I am going to grab it. No matter how far I have changed.

So should you.

Review Restaurant : Orchid Bistro

Tempoh hari, dalam operasi menghilangkan bunyi-bunyi dalam perut ni, aku dan tunang singgah la makan kat Orchid Bistro (sambil membunuh masa sementara tunggu masa tayangan movie - weee!)

Aku order Grilled Chicken Chop, tunang aku order Nasi Goreng Thai and French Toast (gambar dalam menu nampak menjilat jari sungguh!)

Bila makanan sampai, it was really beyond my expectation. Like seriously.

Aku sedikit kecewa sebab pilihan sos yang ada bersama western food cuma mushroom or blackpepper - I always demand brown sauce instead - picky me. 
However, the chicken was very well-cooked, even though it looked dry, it was juicy inside - it was really delicious!
Ok, sekarang aku lapar.

My fiance's Thai Nasi Goreng arrived first (as expected - western food always take longer time to make) and I regretted my choice of food. Sedap gila nasi dia! The taste of the Thai sauce - I really don't know how to explain it. It was so delicious that I envied my fiance that day (and of course I didn't tell him that!).

The service was fast, if I were to rate the time, I would give 4/5 stars.
For food ; 4.5/5 stars.
For price; 4/5 stars.
(This restaurant is affordable to me, not too expensive, (and not too cheap - haha, what do you expect at KL anyway?)

Anyway, this would be one of my recommended restaurant for anyone - it is a beautiful restaurant, quite a minimalist I would say, simple and nice.

So, people, you can drop by at this address!

Orchid Bistro Sdn. Bhd. 

Lot 632, Ground Floor, 

AEON Cheras Selatan Shopping Centre, 

Lebuh Tun Hussein Onn, 43200 Balakong, Selangor

Note : Sorry for the lack of pictures, I really am montrous around foods, so, I literally jump into them when I see them, and taking pictures prior to eating is too much of an effort for me. See, I am that monstrous.

Rindu

Berlatar belakangkan lagu Lady Antebellum - Need You Now, aku menulis.

Rasa itu semakin dalam.

Damn, aku rindu. Sangat rindu.

Padahal semalam baru dating. Cis.

Sharing

Born and raised in a big, poor family made me this person.The sacrificer.

My mother - she is a very patient woman. Often in her life, she prioritize her children over herself.

Raised in a big family, there is little space for selfishness and given my mother's love and sacrifices, I realized that I have became a lot like her.

Prioritize others over ourselves; mostly. Share everything, even the one that I feel dying to keep to myself. 

My previous lover used to say that I'm letting myself to be bullied. I say, no. I do it out of love. Love towards my family, my friends.

Sometimes, I do feel used. Exhaustion do hit me.

However, as long as I can love, to the very last bit of love, I will share.

I couldn't care less - how far I need to stretch myself to make my loved ones feel good.

I couldn't care less - the sacrifices I have made.

I just know that love will bring me far, and it is beautiful.

The smile of your loved ones - that's priceless.

And for my loved ones out there that think you are a burden to me,

give me the best gift of all - the most sincere smile you can give.

That will always be my delight.

Wanita Itu

Malam itu redup matanya menceritakan sesuatu.

Kekecewaan yang tak terluah.

Ditelan sendiri walau hampir luluh segala organ dalamannya.

Remuk hatinya tidak siapa tahu.

Tapi redup matanya malam itu,

Menceritakan banyak perihal.

Yang mampu mendengar cerita itu, hanya mereka yang mahu mendengarnya.

Bagi yang lain-lain, yang di dengar hanya sepi malam.
Malah mungkin lebih sepi dari sesetengah malam.

Pengganti

Hari ini kerusi sebelah dimiliki orang.
Kebiasaan seorang diri kini bertukar sudah.

Maklum lah, sudah punya pengganti.

Ha!