Kemaafan

Tempoh hari, aku dan seorang jejaka tampan yang bijaksana berbual panjang tentang hal ini.

Pencetusnya, aku ternampak seseorang yang pernah menyakiti aku dengan sekejam-kejam perbuatan, orang yang mencampak kepercayaan aku ke lantai dan pijak-pijak sehingga habis hancur lebur segala percaya - dan aku lari. Ya, aku menjauh.

Jejaka tampan itu bertanya padaku, "Kenapa lari? Takut kepada dia kah?"

Hati aku berbisik, "Sakit,"

Aku geleng. "Tak, bukan takut. That person reminds me of pain,"

"You shouldn't have ran,"

Aku tunduk. Aku tahu, tapi...
The pain was overwhelming.

"I thought I have let go. I want to forgive,"

"Never in million years," he said confidently.

I looked at him, half puzzled, half disbelief. I know that confident-cocky look. He knows he's right.

"Why?"

"Because you still want to mould that person into the image that YOU want - which is not going to happen in million years!,"

"No!" (Actually maybe, but I'm too egoistic to admit it)

"Why do you want to forgive that kind of person? That person did terrible things to you, betrayed you, used you, manipulated you and you still offer forgiveness?"

Minit-minit seterusnya aku dan dia berdebat lagi. Cuba mencari solusi. Aku sedikit bingung.

Aku asyik bertanya, "What should I do?"

Dan berbicara lagi.

"The image of that person reminds me of excruciating pain. I feel betrayed. I got flashbacks about what happened in the past. That's why I ran. It was my defense mechanism,"

"Transfer that feeling into something else so you won't feel pain anymore,"

"Such as?"

"Hate,"

"I don't want to hate. Hate consumes you. That's why I want to forgive,"

Pernah berbual dengan manusia bijak? Mereka buat lidah jadi kelu. Tak boleh nak betah lagi.

"It won't make any difference. You know, there are three stages of forgiveness. You don't just go to people and apologize. The person must ask for your apology. That's the first stage. Two, you apologize. Three, acceptance of the apology.
If the person does not acknowledge your apology, it won't make any difference. Far worse, it gives that person power to hurt you again. What happened when you forgave that person at the first time?"

"I gave the chance for myself to be hurt and that person took that chance,"

"What you should do is - forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for making that mistake - trusting a wrong person, that's it!,"

Maafkan diri sendiri? 

*termenung*

Semoga Tuhan kuatkan hati, jauhkan diri aku dari kebencian, dan terangkan hatiku untuk beri kemaafan, kepada diri sendiri.

"Sometimes we don't have to forgive people who inflict 

pain on us, we just have to forgive ourselves for it,"

Quoted from jejaka tampan yang bijaksana.

Notaantaraaksara: Thank you Mr.Adorable!