Like Always

Baru dapat contact balik kawan lama setelah what - 6, 7 years? 

Itu pun terserempak dekat Facebook "suggestions".

Borak-borak dalam whatsapp, cerita perkara terbaru dalam hidup.

Dalam bercerita, dia reply,

"Haha. Like always,"

You have no idea.

humour me

Humour me.
With all the ignorant feeling and idiocracy.

Humour me.
With all the words you can to degenerate other people who cannot defend themselves.

Humour me.
With all the cowardice shown in a bravely put article.

Humour me.
With all the endless fights whom no one can win.

Humour me.
With all your might.

I might be humoured.

Sofia The First - Disney Junior

I totally love this series - especially the movie Sofia Once Upon A Princess and Sofia The First - The Floating Palace. Funny thing, I don't have any children(yet).

Semuanya bermula apabila aku start download cerita kanak-kanak untuk anak member aku. I love kids way too much, I guess. One of my friend's daughter even call me Ummi (She even got jealous of our relationship - me and her daughter!). Dah download kan, tengok la jugak. Lepas tu, lekat. Damn Sofia.

*Gambar dari Google eh*

Almost Three-Series

My husband just had his birthday a few days back.
He said he was feeling sentimental.
I asked whether he was sad, just to make sure how 'sentimental' he was feeling.
He said, "I'm not sad, I just feel sentimental,"

Actually, I really don't know how to 'translate' that sentimental feeling he was talking about.
I don't really do sentimental. I go from happy to sad. No 'sentimental' in between. Haha.
Dumb me, huh?

And then it hits me.

If he is 29 and he is feeling sentimental, probably feeling a bit low about some pasts. How would I feel when I am 29? Well , it is still years before I come to that age, but still - how would I feel?
I shudder at the thought. And I actually feel sad.

He has a lot of friends. Friends from secondary school, university, his group - but I?

My friend once said to me:

"Stop shutting people down. You shut everyone down,"

Well, I did shut him down too afterwards - that was after he called me a rat. No, actually he said I was way below the rat because I did something impulsive. And that would be a different story.

I am a sucker at being a total friend. Especially when we don't share the same space. I pretty much dislike phones and I really don't know how to start a conversation with a friend that you met after long years of absence.

It was so terrifying - the thought.

Let's just wait a few years and see, shall we?

Online

Baru dapat buka blog since I don't remember when.

What happened? Like all those cliche break up excuses, here's my offline excuse. Busy. Yeah, damn cliche.

Kalau aku ada komen entri sesiapa yang dah dua-tiga minggu lepas (atau lebih), jangan risau, aku tak stalk pun. Just scrolling down my dashboard and read it as I go. And I just took three hours of reading all those things people say and commented on some of them, and now I'm pretty sleepy and I forgot what I wanted to write just now.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

Cerita Pasal Kahwin #2

Sebenarnya post lepas aku nak cakap pasal benda lain, tapi dah termelalut sampai satu page. Haha.

Aku kahwin dulu, jumlah jemputan 200 orang sahaja. Majlis belah aku tak ada lah grand pun tapi besar sedikit dari majlis kakak aku. Naikkan 3 khemah yang takde skirting pun - mak aku cakap membazir je. (Which was good - that saved me RM150 - additional RM50 for each tent just for a simple piece of cloth attached to the tent!)

I spent quite a lot on door gift because I can't decide what to give. (Guys, stick with bunga telur - it is much cheaper that way I think).

Majlis belah aku tak ada pelamin bagai - I really think it is a waste of money - lainlah kalau jenis buat sendiri. I find some of the self-made pelamin are super cute! (Ok, macam nak termelalut lagi).

At the end of the day, aku rasa majlis tu served its purpose - untuk menghebahkan tentang perkahwinan tersebut (at a low cost).

Some may think that it was such a simple (stingy?) ceremony but would you rather spend so much on one day and get into fights days afterwards because of financial scrutiny or would you rather spend on necessary things and just a few addditional things to prepare for the future?

On the not so bright side, I cannot invite all my friend because of the limited invites. So, janganlah cakap/tanya, "Dah kahwin? Tak jemput aku pun!,"

This goes generally - for some people, not being invited to a friend's wedding is such a big deal. Please be rational. We cannot invite every person we know, can we? We have friends from primary school, secondary school, university, part-time co-workers, officemates, etc, etc. How could we invite all of you? And maybe, we do not have as much money as people think to cover the costs. Maybe we can only afford a small ceremony.

(Or just maybe, you are not important enough. Just kidding!)

Cerita Pasal Kahwin #1

Beberapa hari lepas, seorang kawan sekolej  meluahkan ketidakpuasan hatinya pasal kahwin di Facebook. Katanya, fb sekarang ni asyik keluar cerita pasal kahwin. itu bukan masalah. mula-mula best tengok kawan-kawan kahwin lepas tu rasa meluat pun ada sebab bermanja dengan suami/isteri sendiri pun post kat fb. kesian lah kat kawan2 yang belum mampu nak kahwin. (struktur ayat dan ejaan ditukar demi menjaga identiti beliau)

Cerita pasal bermanja di khalayak ramai ni aku malas nak sentuh. Aku yang dah kahwin ni pun kadang-kadang meluat tengok.

Kesianlah kat kawan-kawan yang belum mampu nak kahwin.

Nikah ni kalau mengikut Islam, mudah je. Rukun nikah ada 5 je, (SISWA)

1 Suami (pengantin lelaki)
2 Isteri (pengantin perempuan)
3 Saksi (dua orang saksi)
4 Wali
5 Akad

Wang hantaran, cincin emas bertatah permata, kek kahwin 2 tingkat, etc, etc - itu semua bukan rukun. Yang wajib pun mahar, yakni mas kahwin je pun(ni belum kira kalau jenis yang minta wang hantaran ikut kelulusan). Masalahnya dengan masyarakat kita ni, kita suka berbelanja ikut poket orang lain. Orang lain buat kat dewan, kita nak buat kahwin kat dewan. Orang lain kahwin upah jurugambar, kita nak jugak. Orang lain buat menu gah sikit, kambing golek contohnya, kita tak nak kalah. Biar lah kena tanggung hutang sehingga 10 tahun kemudian.

Kadang-kadang, pengantin nak buat majlis yang sederhana, tapi ada pulak kaum kerabat yang berbisik suruh tambah itu dan ini supaya majlis menjadi lebih besar, tak ada lah nanti orang kutuk, kan? Hakikatnya, buat majlis besar atau kecil, kalau ada yang nak mengata, orang tetap akan mengata. Mulut orang kan, mana boleh tutup.

Majlis pernikahan kakak aku, tetamu yang dijemput hanya keluarga rapat pengantin lelaki,jiran-jiran terdekat dan ahli-ahli surau (buat di surau taman perumahan kami). Kan simple. Tidak memberatkan. Tak adalah hidup seterusnya menanggung hutang kerana mimpi nak jadi raja. Raja lah sangat.

Pada aku, (put aside the responsibility after married), perkahwinan ni sesuatu yang mudah, tapi diserabutkan orang kita sendiri. Memang lah anak muda takut nak kahwin. Kos kahwin bukan calang-calang. Kan?

Of Writing

These days, I find it so hard to write. I just don't know why.

I wrote half a paragraph of things that I ended up deleting. I want to write something - or maybe change the world by writing (dream on, yea?) but something is holding me back. Or it is me who is holding myself at the corner?

I have so many things to say but it says in my heart.

Writing used to be my passion, you know?

Right now, I am just not so sure.

Pinjam

Seorang bakal ibu.
Perit tekaknya menahan loya.
Sakit pinggangnya menahan tambahan berat di perut yang semakin besar setiap bulan.
Bengkak kakinya, sakit tiada siapa tahu.
Tidur malamnya tidak seperti selalu.
Banyak pantang larang nya, usah dilanggar, pesan keluarga.

Lahirnya seorang anak.
Betapa sakitnya melahirkan, hanya seorang ibu memahami.
Bertarung dengan nyawa, tetapi hadiah yang diterima amat berharga.
Seorang anak, zuriat.

Tidak kira masa, anak menangis. Si ibu bangkit dari tidur menyusukan. Melayan keletah si kecil.
Si kecil mula merangkak, berjalan, berlari. Lidah sudah petah berbicara.
Itulah intan permata keluarga.

Si anak sudah dewasa - cantik rupanya. Bunga yang indah disunting orang. Hari ini dia seorang isteri, yang ibunya bagai tiada hak ke atasnya. Segala perlakuan harus di atas izin suami. Ya, darah dia dan ibunya masih merah yang sama, tapi dia bukan lagi milik ibunya.

Si isteri kini menjadi ibu. Perihal anaknya, dia dan suami lah yang menjadi tukang coraknya. Neneknya tidak boleh berkata apa-apa. Beri cadangan, nasihat sahaja.

Kerana segala dalam dunia adalah pinjaman. Kita tidak punya hak ke atas apa pun, termasuklah anak yang lahir di dalam rahim kita sendiri.

Lumrah alam.

Kenapa Kita Rasa Hidup Kita Susah?

Betapa kadangkala terasa berat betul dugaan yang menimpa. Rasa nak putus asa, nak menangis. Kalau boleh bina satu ruang kecil untuk duduk pencilkan diri, dah lama dah buat. Kecewa, tak payah cakaplah. Bila rasa macam ni, dah tak ada masa nak fikir pasal dugaan orang lain yang lebih teruk. Tetap rasa dugaan kita yang paling teruk.

Hati berbisik,

"Allah takkan menduga hambaNya dengan dugaan yang tidak mampu dihadapinya,"

Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. Ia mendapat pahala kebaikan yang di usahakannya, dan ia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang diusahakannya. (Mereka berdoa dan berkata): "Wahai Tuhan kami! Janganlah Engkau mengirakan kami salah jika kami lupa atau kami tersalah. Wahai Tuhan kami! janganlah Engkau bebankan kepada kami bebanan yang berat sebagaimana yang telah Engkau bebankan kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kami. Wahai Tuhan kami! Janganlah Engkau pikulkan kepada kami apa yang kami tidak terdaya memikulnya. Dan maafkanlah kesalahan kami, dan berilah rahmat kepada kami, dan beri Penolong kami oleh itu, tolonglah kami untuk mencapai kemenangan terhadap kaum-kaum yang kafir - Al-Baqarah, Ayat 286.

Pujuk hati sendiri, pujuk diri sendiri.

Tapi tetap rasa dugaan berat yang amat.

Kenapa kita rasa hidup kita susah? Sebenarnya hati dah jawab, tapi kita masih pura-pura tak dengar.

Sebab kita jauh dengan Tuhan.

Semoga aku dapat perbaiki diri. Tak suka dengan diri aku sekarang. 

Hope

I wish I don't have to go back to my old post. I like substituting here. Yeah, wish is all I got.

Substitute Post

Since I do not take any leave for Raya, except the first two days which are already considered public holiday, I am substituting a friend. Well, lucky for me, the Internet at this computer is not blocked - thus explaining my sudden 'popping' since forever. (I do that a lot)

Today is the last day though. So expect my absence. Again.

It Has Been A While

It has been a while since I last wrote here.

Well, blocked internet access at the office - I could use that as an excuse, no?

*sigh.

I missed the times where I can write freely - tonnes of ideas flowing. Now? Too hectic for everything.

Review Restoran

Aku rasa macam kena game kadang-kadang.

Satu hari, aku pergi restoran ni, makan - fuh, sedap gila.
Second time pergi - pergh, jauh pergi dia! Sedap bukan main.

Tapi, lepas tulis review, kalau singgah balik, tiba-tiba macam ada yang tak kena.
Siot je.
Ke aku yang bengong?

So, aku patut tulis review ke tak?

Bajet ada orang baca blog ni. Kahkahkah.

Persimpangan

Hidup ni terlalu banyak pilihan yang terpaksa kita pilih,
dari muda hingga lah ke tua.

Kadang-kadang kita terlupa,
Walaupun pilihan tu nampak mudah,
Akibat dari pilihan yang salah adalah sesal sesesal-sesalnya.
Atau mungkin, hilang rasa hatinya.

Of Marriage

 

When people speak about marriage, what crosses into your mind?

For most people, it is sex. Some even commented marriage as "having the same nasi lemak everyday" (source:twitter) - which is both funny and a little bit offensive to me. Haha. 

Speaking of the traditional bond, I feel that most marriages should consider wait. For example, school teenagers. Yes, by secondary school, most of us already reached puberty and we have 'urges' and all but responsibility-wise? I think it is a big no-no. 

A few days back my brother approached me asked me, "Kak, ko nak baby tak?"

My brother said his friend's friend is giving up  a baby.

The baby is just one month old and his parents who apparently is just reached 18 years old decided to divorce and they do not want the baby.

Wow - just wow!

Easy come, easy go, huh?

Marriage is more than just having 'halal' relationship. It is a unity of two souls. The vows of taking care of each other, the commitment. The completion of the other half. The perfection of the flawed human. And marriage very need is maturity. We need to be ready to let go the fact that we are no longer single and we cannot do things how the singles do. We need to think about the actions of what we do before we do it. We cannot become too carefree - and We never stop loving the only partner in our life.

I have seen so much marriages that do not work and tumbling down for that matter. It is so heartbreaking to see. 

Most of my friends are getting married/are married this year. I wish all of you the happiness.

Do not let it happen to you - divorce.