1 NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out
for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and
Scrappy.
2 EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and
Tom will each throw in a $2o, even though it is only for $32.50. None of them
will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change
back.
When the women get their bill, out come the
pocket calculators.
3 MONEY
A man will pay $2 for $1 item that he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need but it's on sale.
4 BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom : a
toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these
items.
5 ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
6 CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
7 FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
8 SUCCESS
A successful man is one that makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
9 MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting she won't
change, but she does.
10 DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, to water
the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the
mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11 NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12 OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favourite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
13 FINAL THOUGHT
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the
same thing.
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